Malt o Meal

I want to shout this message from a mountain top or else a very high building, but I am stuck in the house and this computer will have to do it's best to tell this glorious news. Malt o Meal is the greatest company in the world, I mean it, the entire world. My awesome uncle Dave works for them and was able to get me a donation. I am bursting with gratefulness, and thanks. Please everyone go fill your cupboards with Malt o Meal products.

My current favorites on Etsy.

This clutch is exactly what my messy purse/life needs. http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?ref=vl_other_2&listing_id=30132153
How freaking cute is this headband! I know I couldn't pull it off but I love it! http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=29867359
I love cards, especially ones with a botanical illustration. I like to keep spare ones around just in case I need to write a quick or slow thank you or happy birthday or I miss you or get well soon card! http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=18801097
Anyone who knows me knows I love all things British! So again I need this! Put on your wellies and eat that biscuit before I put you in the pram! http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=24244433
Moleskins! How amazing are they? I have a four and they all need little covers to make them feel special. One has strawberry jam on it and that is just not ok. http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=20080529
Organizing is not something I am great at, but with this book I am sure I would not fail.
http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=29734973
This ring is fetching and very precious, Isn't it? and What a special family keepsake it would be! http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=29176817
Who doesn't need these pleasant and agreeable little calenders? http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=29877693
And last but not least a whole crapload of paper and other odds and ends. This is a magical mix of goodies that will surely give you the inspiration to create dazzling art to delight your senses. http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=29347047

Oh Etsy!

Happy Sunday All,
Today has found me trying to find that unfindable nap. I had a rough night and got up at 5:30 am with some serious pain in the ankle and knee area. I had to do some icing immediately. The Dr says that they are so swollen because during my surgery a blood transfusion was needed, and now it could take from 4 to 6 weeks for the swelling to stop! Oh Joy! Anyway one more item to add to my " I'm a baby and my life is so hard" list. I will just wait for the nap to become bed and cross my fingers I get a good solid 10 or probably more correct 4.
I would like to write about something nicer, something that has given me some serious cheer and comfort. The world of Etsy! I could browse it for hours. They have everything a person could ever want or need. Homemade items, found items, vintage items and all the supplies you need. I have caught to craft bug big time since the surgery and reading craft blogs as well as looking at Etsy has been so much fun. I will now show you some pictures of the things I currently want to have or want to try and make myself. Please Enjoy!

My demands

Today I have some demands. I need happiness from everyone around me. I need big, huge annoying smiles. I need everyones life to be perfect if they tell me about it. I need someone to tell me a fairy tale where I am a character and live in a castle. I need to see Salma Hayek in person wearing this shirt, or for someone to give me this shirt or someone just to say What the frak or talk about Battlestar Galactica. I need to hold at least 5+ puppies. I need to eat a pink cupcake with a frozen Mt. Dew. I would love to see a cute baby and give it a squeeze. I need a good sleep with dreams of all the aforementioned items. Thank You.

Mail Bag

I got mail today! Oh the wonderful,delightful, jubilance of getting snail mail. The cards from my sweet cousin Meg, dear work friend Diana and my sweet Grandma Colby will keep me smiling today for sure and their contents forever. I did receive one very odd package which was fun to open of course but I have no idea why I received it. I will donate it to anyone who needs it, because DONATING IS THE GREATEST THING IN THE WORLD! (hint?)

View from my Home

My Pharmacy Tech license pays off, I know what all these drugs do to me!

The bathroom

The bedroom

The wall by the couch

My wonderful amazing fan. This thing is pointed on me at all times.

The tv and bookcase.

My computer terminal.

My couch. My bear reading a little Vonnegut to me.

Fridge.

Meal Preperation Area

Where I keep dirty dishes.

The TABLE. This is where I make all my list, drug schedules take my drugs and look and think about bills.

A closer look at bills and tons of paperwork.

My drugs with excel made schedule so I don't overdose on steroids.

My breakfast

Granola, banana, blueberries and milk. YUM! This morning has been the ultimate in starting bad and getting worse so we will say the breakfast was the highlight! I have to say I am now a huge fan of granola. It can only go up from this!

Have you seen this group??

Oh the Drugs I take, I have lists of them, when to take them, what they do and what they look like. I now need to find out which one is making me see Yo Gabba Gabba characters come to my house and try to keep me from going to the bathroom in the wee hours of the night. I was convinced that not only the YGG gang wanted me to pee myself but Bryon as well, I went off on him and his plans and how they were not gonna work, I would pee in the toilet! I am gonna tell you the truth I have let my mind trick me into not making it to the bathroom a few times in the past weeks, for example at my mom's I thought she had hired someone to take me to the bathroom, needless to say I was the one that was supposed to take care of that as well as the clean up. Very Embarrassing Stuff! But this YGG crap tops it on the crazy scale, I feel so insane, I have never even seen much of the show! Anyways time for more drugs and a little google time to get to the bottom of this, any help or suggestions are most loved! I am needy now also!

My head wound

I had a great Dr. visit today, I can honestly say he is the greatest Dr. in the entire world, both Bryon and I are completely and totally in love. He is so comforting, he answered all my questions and just made me feel so much better about all the many problems I have been having. The steroids are making me crazy and he knew basically everything I was experiencing I didn't even have to tell him he just knew. My new nickname is Chris Benoit. I will be on the steroids another month but will get through it, right??? He also took my sutures out, they are not a pretty sight and I gotta not pick them which is kinda hard for me! Thanks for stopping by!

I think blogging might make me lonesome. You people would not believe my mood swings, I have never been pregnant but I have heard the swings from that can be rough. Anyone have some advice before I feel to much love, hate, anger and want to cry for hours and hours?

Thanks a bunch!

Listen and Love

Right!??!?!?!!?

Please Donate your thoughts, prayers and spare quarters. The bills have begun rolling in and my time away from work has just been pushed back again do to my brain swelling, All I seem to qualify for are food stamps Utah States disability program is a joke.

Today

Today I had peanut butter toast for breakfast
Today I got dressed in "real" clothes and even a bra
Today I went to Sam's Club
Today I had dinner with family in South Weber
Today I hung out and cleaned with my dad and aunt judy and I didn't sit down
Tonight I got out of my chair and fell like an old woman on the wet grass
I guess tomorrow will be a day I stay in bed.

The Morning After

So I just erased all my crazy attempts at post from last night on my phone, they were a disaster and I hope no one read them.

I was taken back to the IMC ER at about 5 pm yesterday. I talked to my Dr. about my symptoms and he was worried about brain swelling and wanted to get another MRI. It was chaos everyone running around Sawyer was leaving for Phoenix in a few minutes, Miles was going to the Syracuse Game but luckily my mom was on her way home from work so within 5 minutes I was headed to Murray from West Point. I immediately had to start preparing myself for the MRI, I hate them and in the last couple weeks I have tried to pull myself out of them. So Vicky turned on the AC and a classical station and we were on our merry way. Bryon was already there waiting bless his heart. We got to the ER a little after 6 and they were able to get me ready and waiting in a room pretty quick. When I got surgery last week the nurses kept telling me what a hard stick I was 2 different nurses tortured me with huge IVs and I was not looking forward for another, also every time a drug was pushed into these nurses IV lines it was unbearable pain, so I was nervous waiting for more hard sticks, the ER nurse came in I warned her I was a hard stick and I would try not to cry and this amazing woman said she had a lot of practice so no worries, she poked me once and it was painful but really not that bad...I could not believe it I wanted to kiss her! I was not a hard stick for this girl but 2 grown women. Then a new nurse came in with the Valium oh I love Valium and it didn't hurt when she put it in as well as some steroids. We waited about 30 more minutes then the MRI tech came and got me in a wheelchair, I told her I would need someone to hold down my legs during the procedure so Bryon came along for that fun job. She strapped me in and told me to think happy thoughts. I thought about swimming in cold Bear Lake with Bryon, Tameron, Wendy and their kids as well baby names I love, very random but they both helped. Since my right side was so numb I could hardly feel Bryon holding my legs, which I gave him crap for after. It lasted about 35 minutes, and man someone needs to get back to improving MRI machines, why are they so loud????

We went back to my room and this was a long wait it took till about 9 for the ER Dr. to stop by and tell us there was swelling and they were waiting for the surgeon on call to get back to them. At ten they said that I could be discharged but they were increasing my steroids big time as well as my pain meds. I was so happy, I got to go to Murray and sleep in my bed and watch all the crap TV I was missing! My mom headed home and Bry and I went to Del Taco for the best cheese quesadilla of my life. We started the latest episode of Top Chef Las Vegas, it was pretty good but no favorites yet. This is where the restlessness hit me, I guess the Valium had worn off, I could not sit still, I wanted to pick my staples in my head, my face, my arm, the pain meds still not helping at all and honestly I don't think they ever did that night. I just took a benadryl, ambien and xanax and finally at 3 I fell asleep, until 6 when I took more percocet but couldn't sleep so I decided to add pictures to my phone book for all my incoming calls. I should be in bed now, Bry is out getting my new prescriptions, water and bananas, back to the diet!

Hopefully my path to healing will have no more road blocks, I am getting my staples out on Tuesday and I can't wait to wash my hair, maybe even a new color!(please give suggestions!) I think I am gonna try to go to the college of massage therapy today, in my ramblings from last night I deleted, I wrote I wanted a free spa day but the college is pretty cheap and usually they have great massages, unless someone wants to send me to the spa, that would just fine too! Talk to you soon and thanks for stopping by!

Greetings from my Dead Arm

Hello Everyone!
I am out of the hospital and staying in West Point UT with my mom and 2 brothers and my great dad just down the road, my best man Bryon is way to far away in Murray but don't worry he visits me every night.
First off I want to tell you all I am a bad writer, I don't spell well, I don't know grammar and I don't know when to make new paragraphs, You have been warned.

It's hard to believe that just last week at this time I was asleep and someone was trying to pull a tumor out of my brain, the surgeon told me it was very hard to remove and I lost alot of blood but it did come out. They ran it to the lab and I am very pleased to say it was a good brain tumor as far as brain tumors go, no cancer or anything like that. I went straight to recovery because there were no beds available in the ICU where I was supposed to be going. The nurse I had in recovery was not my favorite she seemed so put out by me and my request for drinks, I can honestly say I have never in my life been so dang thirsty! I asked her if she enjoyed her job because she didn't act like it. After about an hour they got me up to the ICU and I drank and drank and drank. I was so happy to see my family. I had a rough time in the ICU as Bryon wrote about, I guess I am a little demanding. More on the rest of my hospital stay later.

On to Briar Rose or what my mom and me have named my dead arm. After my surgery I lost all feeling on my right side shoulder to hip and sometimes my leg goes numb just to join the party. The frustration and pain I feel is so terrible. I can move it a little but i pay for it later with such aching. The occupational therapist gave me some activities to do like picking up objects (paper clips, pennies, dice) So I pick them all up and leave them in my palm and then try to place them on a table using my thumb and index finger without dropping, I haven't gotten very good at this task yet. I have also been practicing my writing it's pretty sloppy but surprising that I can do it when I can't feel my hand. I am hoping for the deadness to go away but all I can do is wait, I just wish that Percocet helped but since it is more of a nerve thing it does nothing. Well it's time for lunch and drug break. Talk to you later and thanks for stopping by!

New Pictures

Thank You!

Thank you for every one's prayers and well wishes on my surgery! I have to thank a few very special people who have donated to help with the costs.

My Grandma and Grandpa Colby have always been so giving and she has also been sending me a card every day! Thank you for helping me at this time and always. I love you!

My Uncle Dave works for Malt O Meal. He and Aunt Dora requested help through their charity foundation (M.O.M. Cares) and they have been gracious enough to send a generous donation. Thank you Dave and Dora for being so very kind. I love you!

I also want to thank those of you who have pushed that donation button - you know who you are and every penny is helping me get the medicine I need to take and the medical attention that I'll require.

THANK YOU EVERYONE!

(If you know of any companies that have charities (like Malt O Meal), please let us know.)

Update coming shortly of post-op life (sleeping dead arm- Briar Rose), pictures, and thoughts.

ICU (but I don't miss you)

I have now been moved to a regular in-patient room on the seventh floor, room #702. The drugs have already kicked in so this may be short, or may end up being a drug-induced novel. It was a busy day beginning with an egg and cinnamon scone combo meal - not so good. But the oatmeal was delicious, followed by the custom made chocolate milk brought to me by my sweetheart.

It was a busy day with many visitors. And it seemed as though each time a new group showed up they had just replenished my drug intake, making visiting hours quite interesting. It was great to see everyone even though my eyes were rolling to the back of my head in between sentences, kinda how they are right now.

I had a long session of physical therapy with Bob, whom my dad believes to be a misguided janitor. We even took a long walk and stood at a beautiful viewing window that overlooked the Salt Lake Valley. This is the place. Ha ha. I did experience some pain but I do think it was a good thing to do and felt good to be out of bed for a while.

I got a few back rubs today from mothers, and brothers and lovers. I am so sore. I also received my second Vicky Vaughn sponge bath, which was quite heavenly. It's great to have the support of my family and be in a facility that can take care of my many, many needs. And I love Sonic creamslushes.

L'Chaim by Bryon

After a nerve-wracking day on Friday and a five hour had-to-be-there-to-believe-it fit of restlessness once she made it to the ICU, today was a very good day.

Vicky gave her a morning of luxury which included a sponge bath and hair styling. I'm sure there was more to it than that - countless applications of chap stick, several arm & pillow adjustments, gown changes, and oxygen tube realignments. All of which I know Vicky was happy to accommodate. She also made Holly a breakfast sandwich from whatever crazy meal was served.

Holly has had much weakness in her right arm and leg. This is from the swelling in her brain which is expected and normal after such traumatizing surgery. Today she was able to lift her arm and leg and do a little stretching and testing with an occupational therapist. She was also able to finally get some good sleep.

We're hopeful that she'll be out of the ICU sometime on Sunday. Today seemed like a giant leap in progress. Her pain was less severe and she seemed to be feeling much better overall than yesterday.

We are both so grateful for all of the love and support she has received from her family and loved ones. She knows she's loved and she is a lucky girl to be able to rely on so many people in such a difficult time. And she does not take that for granted. I've never known anyone who had so much genuine love for her family. With all the garbage and all the pain and all the thoughtlessness that seems to encompass the world, it's a breath of fresh air for me to witness such a loving family. And to be part of it.

When the surgeon met with us shortly after surgery and said they were able to remove the entire tumor and Holly was doing well it was the happiest moment in my life. I've tried to think of happier and I can't. I cannot remember ever in my life crying out of happiness. But I cried. Which has been happening lately more than I feel comfortable to tell anyone. So to help make myself feel like a man again I tore apart the shower plumbing at home and put it all nicely back together. Maybe it's cheating a little because I've had to do it a time or two before, but I'll take what I can get.

Surgery Time

Ok just got off the phone with the hospital. I will be checking into the hospital at 5:30 am on Friday 8/14 at IMC in Murray. First Surgery of the day.

My Visited Website

These are the Websites I have visited today. Enjoy!

This is my surgeons website check out the Treatment Options then Craniotomy section for my surgery info http://www.esurgeon.com/macfarlane/

My favorite blog. http://blog.cjanerun.com/

Funny Provo Mischief http://universe.byu.edu/node/1338

Looked for something cute to put on my head http://www.etsy.com/

Guilty Dis-Pleasure. http://perezhilton.com

This week in pictures. http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/3842331/

Sick

Steroids make me sick. I have a dry disgusting mouth and I want to puke. My pee is also cloudy. They better be shrinking a tumor too. I am so lazy today and just want to sleep until Friday morning when my surgery starts. There is nothing on tv or interesting to look at online. Blah and I am cranky.

Surgery Schedule

My surgery is now scheduled for friday. I am not pleased. I have already taken short term disability at work so will have nothing to do this week but worry. Super!

Stress

Today I feel stressed. I am usually the kind of person that if there is something I cannot change myself like world hunger, the sad state of health insurance or for me the fact that my Surgeon has not called me back to schedule my surgery, I can easily put it out of my head. I guess when it directly affects me I can't do it. I want to know when this surgery is happening, I need to plan, I need to be mentally and emotionally prepared. I can't really calm my self down till this busy busy man calls me back. I am a little mad at him, but since he kinda looks like a young Steven Spielberg I guess I will forgive him. So his office opens at 8:30am tomorrow they better have news for me or I will pull out my hair that is meant to be shaved!

The beginning of the story

This is my story so far, how it started, what I did.
I have been having numbness on the entire right side of body starting in March 2009, I saw my Primary Care Physician at the Tanner Clinic, and he said it was stress related and gave me a prescription for Xanax(who says no to a script for Xanax), the numbness stopped but it started again last week and I wasn't able to work so I made another Dr. appointment for Wednesday the 8/5 I went numb on my way there on the freeway, very scary so I just decided to go to LDS er. I had 2 CT scans and 2 attempted ... MRI's I was so claustrophobic I couldn't get in. The er Dr. said they found something and really needed an MRI so they heavily drugged me and I tried again, 3 hours later and they said it was most likely a tumor. I then went by ambulance to IMC and was admitted late last night. On Thursday 8/6 I did a million and 1 tests including having a catheter put in my groin and having it pushed up to my brain to try and stop blood from feeding the tumor is was so so painful. It went pretty well and my surgery to remove the tumor will be on Monday or Wednesday about a 5 hour surgery and then at least a 5 day stay. I am really scared and as shallow as it seems I don't want my head shaved! My surgeon is very optimistic and thinks all will go well and my motor skills should be back to normal in a couple months, I have however lost a lot of strength on my right side but again my surgeon thinks that will improve with time.

Donate

As some of you might know I have a brain tumor. I do not have insurance and I am not getting paid for my time off to be in the hospital. I am asking for any donations, if you can't give a donation send out a message to the universe in any manner you wish that I will be ok! Thank you...

My Brain