Friday, September 11, 2009

Go Ask Alice


The time has come, my little friends, to talk of other things / Of shoes and ships and sealing wax, of cabbages and kings / And why the sea is boiling hot, and whether pigs have wigs / Calloo, Callay, come run away / With the cabbages and kings.

Alice in Wonderland, what a movie. I just love it. I have seen it many times, quite a few times with my good friend Aubrie. When I think of Alice I think of Aubrie, I also think of a Caterpillar smoking a hookah pipe (I assume) and saying crazy, wonderful things like
Caterpillar: Who... are... you?
Alice: Why, I hardly know, sir. I've changed so much since this morning, you see...
Caterpillar: No, I do not C, explain yourself.
Alice: I'm afraid I can't explain myself, you see, because I'm not myself, you know.
Caterpillar: I do not know.
Alice: I can't put it any more clearly, sir, because it isn't clear to me.

Those words describe me Exaketededly (as the Caterpillar would say) How I have been feeling lately, I have changed so much and I hardly know myself. I do weird things, I say even stranger and I have stopped doing things I love and started things doing things I never thought to do before the tumor removal. That tumor had a brain, or controlled mine quite a bit I think, and now that its out I am a new person, I have to learn to be this new person. That scares me. Add to it the new pain med and my life is Alice in Wonderland. This pain med is Soma, it eases the pain but mostly I think it just numbs my brain and makes me forget, it puts me in an Alice in Wonderland state of mind. Which is good and bad. I am loopy and as Steff said go into a Soma Coma but I forget the pain, along with other stuff I am sure. I don't like to rely on drugs even though now I am taking at least 8 for my symptoms.

I have an MRI on Monday which I am dreading of course what with the fear of them locking me in there and not letting me out ever, but don't worry I will be drugged and hopefully they will let someone in to hold my leg which comforts me greatly. I also have an appointment with the great Dr. Macfarlane on Tuesday to review the MRI and chat about my problems, did I mention I have a horrible rash all over my neck, chest, arms and back? It's not a pretty sight. So everyone go watch Alice in Wonderland no drugs needed it will take you on a lovely trip of eating mushrooms, little girls mistaken for serpents and of course painting the roses red.
Peace, Holly

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