Being Broke

Does anyone want to know what the best part of not working and not getting disability or anything from my job and having 1 income that has to cover the bills of 2 people plus paying thousands and thousands in hospital bills?

You get to eat everything in the freezer that has been there for months, for dinner I had a box of veggies including Lima beans, carrots, black beans and some green beans I think, and also a corn dog that I know was purchased at the beginning of the summer. My freezer should be empty soon and I think we have beef tortellini to look forward too! Can't you just see all my blessings!!!!!!???!?!??!??! Wait where are they? Can you sense my bitterness tonight? Someone will say it will get better soon don't worry! But my friends I see no light at the end of this tunnel. Except Vanessa made me feather headbands, that's so cool.

It's dumb to complain about food I have veggies from Uncle Mike to make salsa, I have some sort of meat pie, but what am I supposed to do about everything else? Sorry for the vent! I am stressed to the max tonight. My dad's dog Poochie is getting fixed in the am and I am worried for her. Gonna try to sleep, think positive and dream.

I hate this....Please Donate.

Holly

A Good Book

A good book for me is never hard to find. I could spend hours at Ken Sanders or Barnes and Noble looking at books, touching books, and reading a few lines. I don't often buy anything because I am poor but just being around the words makes me happy. I have a few books that I have read at least a dozen times, Bryon things it is so strange that I can pick up Slaughter House Five for the 13th time and still enjoy it, same goes for Harry Potter I am not ashamed to admit those are good books. At Ken Sanders I love to look at the children's section and the occult section, is that weird? The books there have a story, last Christmas I bought my mom some Beatrice Potter books and they had jam on them, well I hope it was jam. Bryon has just about every Kurt Vonnegut book, all given to him from me, I am not the best gift giver so basically every holiday, birthday just for fun gift I have given him it's a Vonnegut book. He is our favorite author so we should own all his works right? His books have the best quotes, when I read his books I keep a notebook next to me and write my favorite lines. I will share a couple of my favorites

*"Pretend to be good always,and even God will be fooled."- God Bless You, Mr. Rosewater

*"Goodbye Blue Monday." -Breakfast of Champion

*"If I should ever die, God forbid, let this be my epitaph: THE ONLY PROOF HE NEEDED FOR THE EXISTENCE OF GOD WAS MUSIC"-Vonnegut's Blues for America

*Everything was beautiful, and nothing hurt.-Slaughterhouse-Five

OK that will do.

The point of this book post is that I have not picked up a book in over a month, I have listened to one on my iPod but the desire to pick up a book, one of my favorite things to do is gone. I have the time, I have the books but I have lost my book need. I hope it comes back. I think maybe it has something to do with my hand/arm, it's not strong, it's a limp, asleep appendage, I have been crocheting to build strength I type slower than a child, my handwriting takes serious concentration. Tomorrow I will pick up a book and see what happens. I need to fall in love with a good book, a new one or maybe an old friend like The Hours. If anyone has a book recommendation please send them along.
Love your sweaty friend,
Holly

Just call me Moon Face

Oh just another day in Paradise with me, Holly Vaughn. I had a great day and by great I mean really really awful night of no sleep, I take back my comment regarding having made peace with not sleeping because there are so many fun ways to fill the night, I was wrong, I just want to sleep. I don't want to watch The Way We Were, I don't want to listen to my iPod, I don't want to cut paper to make cards, I don't want to make to do list. I want to put my head on the pillow, I want to close my eyes, I want to wake up 8+ hours later. Not the 3 I have been getting from 6 to 9 am.

So I wake up at 9 today and had a good visit with my mom and brother Philip. This part of the day really was good. We chatted and ate bananas and my mom cleaned my dishes and Philip and Bryon played Guitar Hero. It was so nice to see Philip, he has always seemed like my older brother he is so smart, artistic and hilarious. My mom lives the love language of service, she is so loving in every way but she cleans my house and I feel very very special. Around 11:30 I started getting the disease, we will call it the green disease because it is when I start feeling like the hulk is going to take over my body, ya know Chris Benoit style. It is around this time that I make a comment about my face was feeling strange/hurting. Vicky takes a look, feels it, then Bryon takes a turn. It's tight and looks puffy, it's so tight it's like stretched looking on my cheek bones plus puffy, am I describing this well at all? Now it's time to google and wiki and get to the bottom of this condition, and this is what they find
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Moon_face
http://www.medicinenet.com/cushings_syndrome/article.htm

OK so wonderful I am now more of a freak and this freak needs her bed and a dose of Xanax. My mom helped with that, and I vented oh heavens did I vent, I basically told her the same crap I write on here everyday but I did it straight very little pauses, why is my life so hard, why doesn't anyone like me, my mom is a great listener but I was in too deep in my D's (that's what we call depression in the Vaughn family, the D's then we usually follow it up with a This To Shall Pass and call it good.) I was sad and it couldn't be helped so I just went with it for a few hours till it was a little better. This post is pretty long, Miles will say.

Then the worst part of the whole day for a cry baby that is......Bryon went out to do some errands and forgot to get my frosty, my cool down feel better improve my day improve my life chocolate chip cookie dough frosty from Wendy's I almost died I kid you not. Of course he went back out like the hero that he is but man I need help. We watched Curb your Enthusiasm and I ate my frosty. It was a bad day for me but reading this post it really doesn't sound that bad, but it was it really was plus my arm won't stop tingling, I wonder if it's a good tingle or a bad one. I will for sure be calling my Dr. like I do almost every morning and bothering them with this! Now someone sing this song to me and all will be well, Audrey Hepburn will do....

Moon River, wider than a mile:
I'm crossin' you in style someday.
Old dream maker, you heartbreaker,
Wherever you're goin', I'm goin'your way.
Two drifters, off to see the world.
There's such a lot of world to see.
We're after the same rainbow's end,
Waitin' round the bend,
My huckleberry friend,
Moon River and me. Thank You Uncle Mike for the salsa veggies can't wait to make it with Momma this week!

Gross?

Ok so I picked a little, it's hard to not to do it all day... I have a problem people. I will stop, I promise. Shouldn't more hair be filling in?

Two Quotes for a Saturday

"Every man has a right to a Saturday night bath." Lyndon B. Johnson

I totally agree with Lyndon on this one...but I have no bathtub. I am thinking of the perfect one, the one I had in Mexico about 4 years ago on a wonderful family trip. We were all together the dad, the mom all the boys and the big sister. Cancun Mexico. We stayed at a Villa, we listened to Devandra Banhart, we walked to the ocean, we ate beans and rice for every meal, I read Slaughterhouse-Five by Kurt Vonnegut for the very first time, be lounged by the little pool in the back yard and I had the bath. The tub was huge, I mean like 6 feet long 4 feet wide, it was tiled in blue and I think there was two faucets. I filled it all the way up, added some sort of minty bubble goodness and soaked for like an hour. I will always remember that trip as a family best and tub right up there.


"Life is a wretched gray Saturday, but it has to be lived through." Anthony Burgess

Life must have been hard for Anthony, well Saturday's at least. My life lately has been quite a few Saturday's and I am so ready for a Monday. But I must say some good stuff has happened lately too, for example I am so filled with crazy emotions that some are bound to be good. Like love, I have so much love for this world it's wild, I want to give everyone a hug, I want to solve every ones problems (which got me in some serious trouble last week, sorry Miles) I want everyone to know I love them, no really like adore them more than anyone has ever been adored in the history of the world. Whatever drug is giving me this side effect needs to be found and bottled. So now I am gonna tell everyone I love them. I love you Anthony and Lyndon, I love you family member, I love you friend, I love you Bryon. I love you Charlie from Lost. I love you Internets.

Goodnight Saturday and Hello Sunday!

Sleep, No Thanks!

I have made peace with not sleeping. Mostly because there is so much one can do when one cannot find the Sandman. I just had some choc. milk and watched a little Gilmore Girls. I just read some blogs and had a few ritz crackers. I just made a slightly not ugly magnet. I just looked at puppies for sale at ksl.com! The snacking probably needs to stop but the rest oh I can't wait for more ways to fill my nights! Craft Time lots more cards to make! Oh and someone please buy me a puppy, preferably a night owl, like me.

I try to be crafty, these are the sad results

Picture this.... a late night 3:11 am to be exact, a pair of blue scissors, purple glue stick, a shaky restless totally neurotic woman...and she wants to make cards....millions of cards. The result, one very messy looking card and very shaky pictures to boot. I worked for almost 2 hours on one card...that's sad right, go ahead cry for me a little. Plus you have to look at the pictures it's my blog do what I say! And I have no idea how to artfully put pictures on here and by artfully I mean that it doesn't look like I have a monkey named Gigi that is my assistant and takes care of all my blogging needs.

What are all these random blank spots?! Gigi!?!

“A Day in the Life”

I love music, well come on who doesn't. I hear a song and I remember something. Eddie Money reminds me of drives in my dad's red truck Two Tickets To Paradise baby. I hear Sandman by America and it reminds me of my cousin Luke and how he puppeted Kermit the Frog to sing the lyrics for a project we did for Science class in high school. I hear Daniel Johnston Fish and think of Bryon, I hear First Day of my life by Bright Eyes and think of Bryon. I hear Two Princes and think of my mom, I hear This Life is a Test and think of all my cousins and aunties and my Uncle Larry for thinking it's a Pest instead. Lately my friends it has been a serious PEST! I make iTunes playlist all the time depending on my mood or need. I have sleeping, cleaning, relaxing and very guity pleasure ridden playlists and tonight I am going to share my current favorite that I created, you should check out some of the tunes I think my taste in music is really really good ha ha.

Oxford Comma--Vampire Weekend

I Got The Reason #2--Conor Oberst & The Mystic Valley Band

King Of Carrot Flowers Part 2 & 3--Neutral Milk Hotel

I Don't Want To Grow Up--Tom Waits

Paths Of Victory--Cat Power

Einstein on the Beach--Counting Crows

Age Of Consent--New Order

One More Hour--Sleater-Kinney

Old Man--Neil Young

I Don't Want To Know--Fleetwood Mac

The Fear--Lily Allen

LDN--Lily Allen

Cape Cod Kwassa Kwassa--Vampire Weekend

Fish--Daniel Johnston

This Beard Is For Siobhán--Devendra Banhart

We Will Become Silhouettes--The Shins

Walcott-- Vampire Weekend

Enjoy my friends and look forward to tomorrow where I will posting some 3 am craft project pictures and also hopefully some improved ones I have in my brain for tonight's crazy craft lady party.

Stop Complaining and Just Cry

What a day. I woke up Miles at 9 am and made him take me to Robert's Craft.( I love Miles, he would do anything for me) I had been up for hours thinking of scrapbook paper and making magnets. Robert's Craft never fails with scrapbook paper, but no marble things I needed to make the magnets I had been thinking about all dang night. So I bought regular magnets. I was going to have dinner with my old and dear friend Adele and wanted to give her some magnets too. The ones I made were ugly and clunky and not crafty. Complaint.



I came home, I was a sweaty mess of course. Complaint. I ate my last banana yesterday. Complaint. I think everyone hates me. Complaint.



I put myself back to bed and listened to The Time Travelers Wife. I had a nice lunch. Things are looking up! I call Disability, the person on the phone is a jerk, I get nothing done and have to call back tomorrow. Complaint. Back to bed, I made about 10 To Do list on my phone during the night and I am doing nothing today. I am not pleased....Complaint. Time to get ready for dinner, a shower is always a good idea right? WRONG, it takes me 2 hours to slightly cool down and then when I get to our dinner date I have to go to the bathroom 3 times just to wash my face. The food and company were amazing so no complaint.

I decided yesterday that I need some time back in Murray with Bryon so we head to my mom's to pack my million needed things. I am sure I will be back to West Point in a few days. People need breaks from me. We head to Murray and I put my seat back and Bryon gives me a pillow and cranks the air and it is a lovely drive, but I can feel something coming.......it's the crazy, moody no fun at all Holly coming to town. We get home and Bryon puts me on the couch and goes to the store for water. I decide its a good time to read my medical records from my stay at IMC, and watch Howard's End, bad idea. Bryon returns home to a crying, sad girl who is a serious complainer. He lets me cry about all the crap from today and the crap from yesterday and the crap that will happen tomorrow and rubs my arm and gives me my evening drugs. I really don't deserve him most days. The moral of the story is I should have been crying all day not complaining.

Sweaty Beast, Jane Austen and Pain!

I have always been a sweater, I am always the person in the room who is warm/hot. I love a nice breeze and always keep a fan on my desk at every job I have had. The sweatiness I have experienced since all the medication I started taking has been ridiculous! I wake up drenched in sweat, I spend the day covered in sweat, I wipe myself down with baby wipes about 100 times a day. I can find no relief. I have a fan on me now and I need a large napkin to get rid of some of this sweat. I don't like it, I don't feel clean. I did my hair today dried it and everything, in 20 min. it was completely wet again and went into a very uncute, smelly ponytail on top of my head. OK enough sweat stories.

I love Jane Austen, all things Jane Austen. My neighbor let me borrow the BBC version of Pride and Prejudice. It is heavenly! Elizabeth and all her sisters make me laugh and her mother is a hoot and Mr. Darcy, what a hunk. Mr. Collins and Charlotte! I plan on watching it at least 4 times. I am only on Disc 2 but I have plans for at least 4 more viewings, just in case the ending changes, which I always think is going to happen in movies I watch.
Day to Day pain is still constant and I don't think I remember what "normal" feels like. The sensation I feel on the right side is so strange, I can't even explain it, it's just dead and it really, really hurts. Pain medications are very weird, I get basically no relief and sometimes very rarely they just make me feel a little dizzy. I made a request for the medical field to get back to working on MRI machines, now I call them out again to work on pain medication. Take my pain away!!!
Thanks for stopping by!