Holly's Brain Blog and Beyond

The Benefits That Exercise Has to Offer For Cancer Patients and Survivors

2011-10-18T19:01:00.002-06:00

Hey Everyone! The Gods know I need to take this article and seriously apply it to my daily life. It's a great read! Thanks David.

The Benefits That Exercise Has to Offer For Cancer Patients and Survivors

Everyone knows that exercise is good for the mind and body, but studies now show that it may also improve the wellbeing and recovery efforts of those with cancer or those who have survived it. While exercise may not be a sole cure for cancer or its reoccurrence, it is shown to improve overall results.

There is no denying that exercise and fitness can make a positive impact on the quality of life for those with cancer or have survived cancer. Recent studies have shown that being overweight after cancer treatment is linked with a shorter survival time and poses a higher risk for the cancer to return. Obviously, the benefits of exercise are numerous and will help cancer patients to maintain their weight and combat fatigue. Exercise will also help a patient to regain muscle mass that had been replaced with fat, improving overall health and self-image issues. In addition, exercise may improve flexibility, balance, and overall weakness that may have been the result of a surgery or other limitation. The emotional toll of cancer is high, so it is important that patients are able to return to their previous ways of life as soon as they are physically capable.

No matter what type of cancer a patient has encountered, from common cancers like breast cancer to a rare disease like mesothelioma, exercise is important to implement into a daily routine to help speed recovery. The American Cancer Society recommends that the general public participate in 30 to 60 minutes of physical activity at least five days a week, but cancer patients and survivors should design their routine according to their individual needs. A doctor or other medical professional may assist with these plans. Generally, various aerobic and weight training exercises should be implemented and it is recommended to start slowly so that the body can build energy and adjust over time.

The stress and depression that coincide with a cancer diagnosis will naturally slow down most cancer patients. However, it is important not to fall into this trap and find a way to maintain physical fitness and healthy weight levels so that the illness can be fought more effectively and kept from reoccurring once it is gone. Exercise is not an ultimate cancer treatment, but it will combat the factors that are associated with a cancer reoccurrence. As always, consult a doctor before implementing a new exercise routine, as cancer patients may possess a higher risk of developing heart and other health problems.

By: David Haas
http://www.mesothelioma.com/blog/

coming soon....

2011-06-25T23:03:00.001-06:00

I'm working on a new post but its a work in progress... I am a work in progress.

Yarn Wreath Party!

2011-04-12T10:42:00.003-06:00

My newest hobby is crazed crafting. I spend hours online looking at craft blogs and etsy shops and on and on and on. I love these yarn wreaths I have cranked out half a dozen and I am thinking about opening an etsy shop to pay for my need to craft.

Post Edit: I have decided that before opening an etsy shop I would sell my wreaths to friends and family. Just email me your color preferences and what size you would like 8in 10in or 14in.

Thank You!

I love that Mr. Glathar

2011-02-14T22:04:00.003-07:00

10 Reasons I love my Husband

1. He is kind
2. He likes the same music as me
3. He loves long drives
4. He is up for anything
5. He saved my life
6. He puts up with all my childish crap
7. He lets me pick what we do, what we eat, where we go, what we watch, always
8. He loves my mom as much as I do
9. He has the most beautiful blue eyes
10. He thinks I'm pretty

2011-02-07T21:58:00.002-07:00

Whole Lotta Losin'---Monsters of Folk
Shell Games---Bright Eyes
Cheeseburger in Paradise---Jimmy Buffet
Better Days---Pearl Jam
The Great Salt Lake---Band of Horses
I Don't Know---Jeff Bridges
Downtown Train---Tom Waits
One Chance---Modest Mouse

2010 Thanksgiving

2010-11-27T22:46:00.004-07:00

This year I am thankful for...
My husband
My parents
My sisters Wendy and Tameron
My brothers Phil, Soy and Miles
My fake hair
My Doctors
Thanksgiving Buffets
Days with no snow
My Ipod with Bryon as the DJ
Netflix
People who surprise me
Thank you everyone who loves me, and hears hoping for another year tumor free
Holly Glathar

This time last Year

2010-09-05T19:42:00.002-06:00

I do believe I have come a long long way. I still love to complain but things are much better than last year.
Saturday, September 5, 2009
Sleep, No Thanks!
I have made peace with not sleeping. Mostly because there is so much one can do when one cannot find the Sandman. I just had some choc. milk and watched a little Gilmore Girls. I just read some blogs and had a few ritz crackers. I just made a slightly not ugly magnet. I just looked at puppies for sale at ksl.com! The snacking probably needs to stop but the rest oh I can't wait for more ways to fill my nights! Craft Time lots more cards to make! Oh and someone please buy me a puppy, preferably a night owl, like me.

I have returned!

2010-07-20T01:27:00.006-06:00

I just got back from a 7 day fun-filled trip to Bear Lake with 4 adults, 3 teenagers and 2 kids. Wow it was really tough at times since none of the kids are mine so I can't kick them if they misbehave but most of the time they were sweet and cute and we did crafts or ate rock or played in the lake.

Last Saturday Bryon told me he wanted to have a date night, so we went into town for a Famous Bear Lake Raspberry Shake, well as it turns out they have a dirty little secret, Bear Lake Raspberries aren't ripe yet so they were using Paradise raspberries! I couldn't believe it! So we got our frozen treats and headed back to our beach as Bryon wanted to take a walk on the beach at sunset (so unlike him) So we head out of the car and as we do he grabs a bag from the trunk and I am thinking
"Sweet! Presents!!"

We walk a bit then find a staff table and sit down. Then Bry take out the most beautiful goblets and pours us each a drink, then he plays some tunes on his phone. It's all very romantic, the sun is setting, we have something sparkly to drink and Neil Young to listen to. Then Tom Waits starts playing Downtown Train, and we dance it was sweet then he got down on one knee and pulled out a bag and asked me to officially be his wife, I cried and said yes. Bryon and his sis ans sis in law had spent the morning in a antique jewelry store and found the perfect ring. I am so happy 2 months to go till I am Mrs. Glathar!

I See You

2010-06-12T21:49:00.002-06:00

Hope Everyone Is Having A Great Weekend!

Embrace the Suck

2010-06-01T17:00:00.006-06:00

I love Ira Glass. I think he is quite the catch. He is on the radio, NPR, This American Life. It is sometimes a complete and total downer to listen to but it has great heartwarming stories, sometimes I cry and I always laugh. I highly recommend it.

Today at work I listened to a program that ran last year called This I used to believe. They mentioned a website, This I Believe
I read through a few stories on brain tumors of course (my favorite subject). I found this one and I loved it. These last few weeks/months I have been plagued with headaches, backaches and weird leg twitches. There is nothing really wrong with me according to my recent MRI, I just have left over crap that I will probably have forever say Dr. M. Anyways this story made me smile and tear up a little bit.Enjoy the story and thanks for stopping by.

Embrace the suck. When you want to quit: Embrace the suck. When you just can’t go on any longer: Embrace the Suck. When life seems to have taken its toll on you: Embrace the suck.

Embracing the suck is a phrase that has developed within my family. When enduring hardship in life, people tend to shut down. They cry, they yell, they break down. When embracing the suck, you endure this hardship. But not only endure, it you embrace it. This moment doesn’t happen all the time. But every time it does, you become stronger. And when you don’t fight it, but instead you hold it close, you grow. You grow from this experience. This problem or event that once hurt you has now become a part of you. It is no longer something that affected you, but is now one of the many things that shape you. So I ask you all to embrace the suck. Because when things get tough, it might be the only way out alive.

I’ve learned how to embrace the suck, and so has my dad, and so has my sister. And my mom has especially. She has embraced it for eight months. And when she went to the doctors because of stomach problems and was diagnosed with cancer, she learned to embrace the suck. And when she started radiation and chemotherapy, she learned to embrace the suck. And when she went into surgery to have the cancerous tumor removed, she learned to embrace the suck.

When she continued to be infused with chemo-radiation, she learned to embrace the suck. And when she slowly began to lose her hair, she learned to embrace the suck. And every time she touched something cold, she felt as if shards of glass were penetrating her skin, she learned to embrace the suck. She has endured this all with minimal complaints. But nonetheless, she has done it. And no one can take that away from her.

And now in June 9, 2007, she will be at Relay for Life doing the survivor lap. She’s a survivor. She did it. And the whole time, she embraced the suck.

If someone can go through so much, and a simple phrase can push them beyond, then I believe. So that is why I believe to embrace the suck.

Poor Me

2010-05-25T21:02:00.003-06:00

I feel sick, like really sick. Here's the problem... I always feel sick. I hate hate hate going to the ER because I always think someone is gonna say, "You are such a wimp, why do you pretend to be sick all the time!" Before getting sick last year I had never gone to the ER because of the above reason. I just want to barf and sleep, so that's what I am gonna do! I have an MRI tomorrow, awful.

Holly's attempt at Glamping

2010-05-05T15:48:00.007-06:00

So we (Bryon&Holly) were given a trailer, nice huh? We took it out on our first camping trip of the season last weekend. We traveled to the faraway land of Utah Valley and stayed at Utah Lake campsite. It was windy I mean blow your skirt up over your face, nose chapping horrid wind. We spent alot of time indoors, our camping buddies Wendy and Tameron have a lovely little home away from home with all the amenities needed for a good time. We played boggle, watched movies, ate great food and I often snuck away to sleep in my cozy camping bed. It is one of my favorite things to do after all! Here are some pics of the adventure!
Max the Dog, he loves glamping!

Our new Trailer

Our cozy camping bed

1 more week and we will be camping again this time at Payson Lakes. We need to outfit the trailer with a few items to truly be glamorous camping but we will keep trying! I am so glad I can do all the things I didn't know if I would be able to do ever again. Thanks for stopping by.

He Saved My Life So I Will Be His Wife

2010-05-05T14:09:00.002-06:00

Created by Wedding Planning Advice

Welcome Welcome Tuesday Morning

2010-04-13T14:11:00.003-06:00

Hey Everyone, it's been awhile, I've missed ya, you've missed me too right? ok good.

Last night sucked, no sleep, nothing could make me fall asleep not even listening to Breaking Dawn on my ipod and that always works! I had to go out to the car at 3 in the am just to retrieve the ipod for heaven sakes, I wore my polka dot robe and no pants plus no shoes...big mistake...SNOW?!?! Where is the springtime weather I am craving my 3 am brain thought, then aaak was that a cat under the car? Yep, love those cats! All 15 of them, according to my landlord she has one of the first feral cat colonies in SLC county, wow, right?

Finally sleep came right around the time Bella turned into a Vampire! Did not see that coming, ha just kidding I have read the book like 3 times, embarrassing, yes.

So my life these days has been better, my Endocrinologist got me on some new meds and I honestly feel so so so much better. No more flu like symptoms all day everyday. I am also on the new diet craze that is sweeping the Vaughn family and I have lost 9 lbs. in a week. Which is awesome since I need to get back to my pre-fat days before September 18 because that is when me and Bryon will be getting married. Yep gonna get settled down and become a Glathar, a Vaughn Glathar that is. I am really excited. I always knew I did not want a big wedding, I didn't even want to wear a dress. That is until the Internets changed my mind and now all I do at night is look at flowers and invites and centerpieces and mood boards. Have you ever heard of a mood board? They are the greatest! Still the wedding will be small small tiny but with prettier colors.

I am gonna be taking better care of my blog because well it was kinda like a therapist for me and since I don't have health insurance and get a bit crazy I need the therapy again, also I still get those awesome bills and phone calls every single day. I feel so bad for not paying off all my medical debt because hello these people saved my life, but really all I can send you this month Mountain West Anesthesiology is $26.00 is that ok? and they usually say no, not cool.

So any help would be great! I want to thank an old friend Marci for writing, that's one of the reasons I decided to get back into this, because people are still stumbling onto my blog and that is cool. Thanks Marci!

Peace and here is my favorite mood board of the moment from A Creative Mint

Awesome

2010-02-17T22:48:00.002-07:00

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cushings_syndrome

meow

2010-02-17T02:52:00.004-07:00

I hate cats. I am afraid of cats. The lady that me and Bry live below has a feral cat community living right outside our door. She has also been doing some construction and we lost a wall separating our place from hers, our cat free home, hers is chuck full. Well one of them wandered downstairs tonight to where we have a temporary door and began meowing and purring to it's heart content. Now I can't sleep because of the damn noise and because I am afraid it will learn how to open my door and come in and attack me. It could happen!

I have an appointment with a new dr. At 9 am then I am gonna work for a few hours. I hate cats! I hope my appointment goes well and my hair will stop falling out, my cushing's syndrome will go away and I will not have arthritis! A girl can dream right?

P.s. I typed this on my phone so if it looks bad sorry. I am now going to google how to silence cats!(forever)

2010-01-22T15:51:00.005-07:00

Hello Stephanie and other readers,

It has been forever since I wrote/blogged. Still trying to get back to normal. A few setbacks to note, I am loosing my hair, I see a specialist called a endocrinologist in March but I am afraid all my hair will be gone by then. I also have a Vitamin D deficiency as well as a Cortisol deficiency my PCP says may be causing the hair loss. I am also scheduled to see a rheumatologist since my hands and joints are constantly hurting me and I am sick of the pain killers that just make me itch! I have a feeling lots of tests are on the way.

I started back to work last week, just a few hours to get back into the swing of things. I really like the people I work with so it was nice to see them again. It will also be nice to have a few extra dollars. I still receive at least 20 letters a week from various health care providers wanting payment, I feel like such a bum not being able to pay it back yet, I hoping for more financial aid from IHC and maybe something from the state but I'm not getting my hopes up. Donations

I'm excited for the weekend hopefully lots of fun and sleep will be had. Thanks for stopping by!

P.S. I am including a picture of a painting Bryon gave me for Christmas, it is so beautiful. It is called Bowl of Oranges. Which by the way is our song by Bright Eyes...check it out.

Have a Holly Jolly Christmas

2009-12-24T17:21:00.001-07:00

Thank you Everyone for all your love and support. Merry Christmas! xoxo Holly

On the Road Again

2009-12-17T22:38:00.002-07:00

I am so excited! I am finally well enough to get out of this house and take a much needed vacation. I know I need it but I think maybe Bryon needs it more! We are headed to St. George and Las Vegas in the morning and I don't know if I will be able to sleep!

Road trips are my favorite. When Bryon and I first started dating we took many trips, San Fransisco, Portland, Reno. So being in a car with the music cranked reminds me of when we first met and how we instantly fell in love...with long drives together, we love to sing as loud as we can to Conor and Eddie and all the rest.

I hope it's warm!

I've Got A Feeling

2009-12-08T14:25:00.008-07:00

The weather outside is frightful and it's beginning to look a lot like Christmas.

I am very excited to be around this holiday season plus I feel like a human again, a 27 year old human instead of a 80 year old one. My body has changed, parts of me don't look like they used to. I beat the infection and tumor, now I am ready to celebrate.

I think I will make it look like Christmas at the Vaughn-Glathar home this week. I can't wait to get some Christmas shopping done and some presents under my beautiful red tree. I just need to convince Vicky Vaughn to come lend a hand. I made a gingerbread house last Sat. it wasn't as cute as Kayla's and I couldn't take it home on the train with me, I will pull out last year's breast cancer awareness house. I miss seeing my extended family, time for a get together!

Still trying to get financially fit, it's hard, I don't want to look at the bills. I still haven't gotten a dime from the State, I think I must have done something wrong or they are slow. I am ready to get back to work, on a part time basis. 2010 better be good!

These are pictures from 2008 Christmas.

The End

2009-12-04T14:05:00.004-07:00

As many of you know I love Pearl Jam. They had a new album, they toured, they came to SLC, I had tickets (second row!!!!), I got sick, then got sicker, missed the concert under doctors orders, and still find it hard to listen to them without being really bummed. I wouldn't let Bryon tell me anything about the show I missed because I am a cry baby. Listening to The End today and really hope I can see them when they head west again, because my head is healing.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S8gJgOCc1EE

Happy Thanksgiving

2009-11-26T09:59:00.003-07:00

I am thankful for
Bryon
My loving family
Modern Medicine
My Doctors
Music
Corn with real butter
Feeling a little better everyday
The beautiful state of Utah
World Tour app that shows me the world
My drugs
Quality tv like Survivor
Good friends
Those who have morally and financially supported me the last 4 months

Happy Thanksgiving Everyone!

It's Out

2009-11-06T11:57:00.002-07:00

I got my PICC line removed yesterday. I was so worried I would have to keep it in for another week! When Dr. T. said it could come out I started crying with happiness and relief. I was a little scared for the removal because when they put it in it was quite a procedure, the line goes all the way to the heart area. The nurse came in and I tried to get Bryon to hold my hand but he was on the other side of the room, the nurse assured me it wouldn't hurt, and by the time Bryon got to me it was out and I didn't feel a thing! Bryon said it was pretty nasty looking coming out, the nurse kept pulling and pulling.

I thought I would feel better immediately but alas I still feel terrible. I guzzled Gatorade and paid the prize yesterday and today, you would think I would learn. (Gatorade smells like a Popsicle coming up, ask my Mom) So the complaning will continue! Ha. I have hope I will feel better by Monday maybe sooner but knowing my recovery it will be a week, until then if you need me I will be in the bathroom with my head in the toilet.

Holly

2009-10-29T14:20:00.002-06:00

I have run out of patience. I am sick of being sick. I want this picc line out of my arm. I hate changing my iv bag everyday. I am sick of the taste of saline solution, and I am tired of Mt. Dew not tasting the way it is supposed to. If I have to go to IMC one for time it will be to soon, to soon is 11/3 when I have a CT scan and an appointment with my neurosurgeon. Luckily there are a few things in my life to live for, Bryon, Mom, Dad, the brothers, the chance of being able to stop antibiotics on 11/5, eating my first party pizza since Sept. reconnecting with old friends Chelsey and Angela, Top Chef, and the dream that my hair will grow back in.
xoHolly

I love Birthdays and Donations

2009-10-11T16:25:00.002-06:00

Yesterday was my Birthday. I turned 27. I wanted to skip this year, but my mom and Bryon made it a good day. I feel so sick since I got out of the hospital, I am on an IV antibiotic that is to blame, it makes almost everything smell bad and taste even worse. I am surviving this week on bananas and cherry seven up last week it was mt. dew and bananas. Thank you to everyone for the birthday wishes and the donations. They are helping so much.

He sensed worry could be strength

2009-10-04T21:56:00.006-06:00

Holly broke out of the hospital on Thursday around 3:30 PM. As the driver, I was her lone accomplice. We had a decent, sleep-deprived weekend in West Point. We switched out her antibiotic that's being pumped into her veins 24/7 via a portable IV kept in a fanny pack and accompanying her everywhere she goes. The meds keep her feeling nauseous all the time with other undesireable side-effects. Only about 30 days left of that and she can be IV-free.

As I'm sure you know she's been unable to work for the past couple of months and counting. On top of that her meds are quite an expense. Last I counted she was taking seven different prescriptions, not including the constant antibiotics. And they're not cheap. We very much appreciate all who have helped out in this very difficult time. And while it's not fun to ask for more help and certainly not something I look forward to doing, it seems necessary today.

If anyone can throw us a bone and help us pay for some of Holly's medications and other expenses now would be a really, really, REALLY great time to do so.

So thanks again to all who have supported us through this and Holly should be posting again very soon.

I'm Out

2009-10-02T12:07:00.003-06:00

Miles is taking care of me and I am drinking mt. dew and eating toast. Post to come later when I get the strength. Thank You everyone for your concern and love, hopefully it will be smooth sailing from here. If not well I can't promise I won't go crazy.
xoHolly

Just Breathe

2009-09-24T21:47:00.006-06:00

Quick update because I need sleep like you wouldn't believe.

The day following Holly's last post she got very sick. High fever, vomiting, headache. We went to the ER, left at 4am on Saturday morning only to return at 7am Sunday when incoherence was added to her already terrible list of symptoms. Since then she's been in the Respiratory ICU fighting an unknown infection. Her biggest struggle has been her high oxygen requirements. She forgets to breathe sometimes and for a while there we could probably play a Ramones song to the fast beeping of her machines.

Yesterday she had surgery again. They cut her head open, drained some fluid and cleaned the flap (piece of skull removed for surgery) and wound very well. Tests on the fluid came back today negative for infection.

She's been feeling a little better after five long days in ICU. Oxygen requirements have decreased. They are trying to get her into a regular room but there is no room in the inn. Too many sickos I guess.

I'm just happy to see her feeling better. It was so heartbreaking to see her so sick. Hopefully she'll be back to blogging soon. If anyone gets bored while waiting you can listen to Holly's new favorite song HERE. You should really do that even if you're not bored.

The Needle and the Damage Done

2009-09-17T23:48:00.003-06:00

Hello Dear Readers
I am a little behind on my blog it's hard to keep up when your face has grown to the size of well it's like a balloon clown face, it's not pretty I can't even open my mouth all the way and my cheeks are so big my eyes are all squinty. I got a really cute scarf online at Old Navy and I wrap it around my head and cover my face and hide in my house, It's not so bad.

Please wish with me it goes away before I know I have to leave the house....Sept. 28 Pearl Jam at the E-Center plus the Wishlist Foundation Party Raffle that Bryon is throwing at The Puck before the show, this is big people all the money is being donated to amazing causes and there will be signed Pearl Jam stuff along with other items and it's a party. Yesterday in the mail we got a package from Pearl Jam with posters and stickers it was like Christmas. I love this band. Come to the Party, Come to the show!

On to the next topic. My Dr visit and the reason for the needle and the damage done. The Dr stuck a needle into the top of my head, beforehand he told Bryon to sit down because well I guess he thought he might faint. I'm not sure, so he has this huge needle and he sticks it in my head and starts pulling out liquid from my head, we had looked at my MRI films before this and I looked like a cone head seriously it was very disturbing, he ended up pulling 20ml of fluid from my head. The liquid was a golden color and smelled quite bad. He sent it to the lab and put a band aid on my head. He is going to call tomorrow to tell me if it is something we need to worry about. I am worried because my head is soft on top which means it is filling with more liquid that will need to be taken out with a needle that goes into my head and well people it hurt. Oh and he said all of my side effects (sweating,crazy,emotional,fat face,hurt knees) will all go away when I go off steroids this week, I am skeptical, nothing about this has been easy so I am not getting my hopes up!

So now you are updated, Holly

Where The Wild Thing Are

2009-09-16T13:38:00.007-06:00

And it was still Hot....

I love that line. It is the last line of one of my most favorite books ever written, Where the Wild Things Are. This book was read to me countless times as a child. Me and my brothers loved it and when other books were read to us the line And it was still Hot was always added at the end. As I grew older and began babysitting and being a nanny I did the same, the book ended and It Was Still Hot.

I had my MRI Monday and of course me being claustrophobic was dreading it, but my Dr had planned an IV with a lovely cocktail of drugs so it would be better. I got there way early, I sat in the waiting room and It was still Hot was all I could think of plus being in a coffin. I honestly have never sweated so much in my life, my hair was drenched, people were staring. I finally got called back and the real fun began, the IV poke plus drugs, the wet wash clothes they just put over my face, the nurse who commented on my Moon Face and said "It must be so hard to look in the mirror" (ouch) and then into the MRI machine which is totally a freezer I can't believe I am going to say it but it felt good in there, the nurse who said I was ugly massaged my feet for 40 min. and then I was OUT!

It felt like I had been there all day but when I got home it was 3pm. The first thing I did was take my meds because I hadn't taken them yet then I called my dad. I told him about the experience and how I thought of And It Was Still Hot and right there on the phone he told me the story of Where the Wild Things Are, it was just how I remembered it but with little sprinkles of Brad added in because he was telling it from memory, Max still sailed to the land of Wild Things, they roared their terrible roars, and gnashed their terrible teeth and there was a wild rumpus of course. It was a needed break from my life. I felt good after that until 10 pm. Then I broke. I won't give you much details just say that I cried like a child who had been read a lovely story at 3pm but decided to cry from 10 to 11pm till was given a Xanax and sent to bed.

So the moral of the story is I am a child, I love stories and sometimes I cry a lot and need to be sent to bed. Oh and I sweat alot.

Don't stop me now

2009-09-14T23:57:00.006-06:00

In case anyone was wondering......I am done, I give up, Can't do it anymore, have to give up and don't care. Today was the worst day of my life NOT EXAGGERATING. So for today and all night I am done. Hopefully tomorrow will be better blah blah blah. It probably won't but maybe I will hopefully not hate the world or my life as much as I do in this moment. Good Night

This Song May Help..............Queen Don't Stop Me Now..............Listen and let me know

Late Night Crafting

2009-09-13T04:11:00.006-06:00

I can't sleep who wants cards?

Oh and by the way I found about a dozen really great craft blog/sites that are way up my alley. I have a disease!

http://kari-youcanmakeit.blogspot.com/

http://www.mindymaesmarket.com/

http://www.theletteredcottage.net/

http://homemadebyjill.blogspot.com/

http://heritageunwrapped.blogspot.com/

http://sew4home.com/

Oh What A Beautiful Morning Oh What A Beautiful Day.....

2009-09-12T23:08:00.009-06:00

I've got a wonderful feeling, Everything's going my way?

My most favorite of all flowers is the Dahlia. I decided I needed one or a whole lot. I started calling around to local flower shops, you know Clearfield House of Flowers, Tony's Villa even Fruit Flowers which only makes edible flower creations, and about 5 more, no one had a Dahlia. I was very sad but I figured when I got back to SLC I could find a beautiful Dahlia no problem. Late last night I had an idea...maybe they had flowers at the SLC Farmer's Market! Yes! They must! Flowers and Farmers! Of Course! So I got on my phone with internets and found out the time they open and texted Bryon who was sleeping soundly next door, the couch was my bed because I was having a sleepless movie watching night, I watched On the Beach, it was enjoyable but the book was better.

So I set my alarm on my phone for 7:45 and it said this alarm is set for 3 hour 36 min. from now, well goodness I thought better just close my eyes and try, well it worked and at 7:40 Bryon woke up because he does not sleep in on the weekends ever, he takes drives, and said to me "Market Time!" and we were off! I looked like a scarecrow what with my new black scarf to cover my terrible rash and my straw like hair, but I was excited. This was my first time at a farmer's market after all.

I emptied my purse to hold any purchases and we walked into Pioneer Park. It was not packed but there were plenty of people, pets and booths. There were arts and crafts and vegetables and fruits and breads and cheeses, it was amazing! We decided to find the flowers first of course and after about 25 booths we made it, I believe it was the lone flower booth and the selection looked lovely, they had Dahlia's! Thank the heavens! I decided to get a bouquet with a nice mix of flowers. I was so pleased, I mean really pleased my Moon Face smiled, painfully smiled. We then took on the rest of the market. We got some danishes and strawberry limeade for breakfast, some corn because it is so good with butter, Sriracha hot chili sauce and parmesan cheese, a baguette and got a free bag from Select Health. The market was a huge success. We took our items and headed home.

I was a bit sleepy what with all the walking and the not sleeping the night before so I took my morning meds and at 10am went back to bed. It was a glorious nap. I slept till 1:15 pm when Bryon returned from a day trip to Provo. I then spent the afternoon doing whatever I pleased. I attempted to arrange my flowers, they did not really turn out as perfect as I would have wanted but after 20 minutes I was killing my good day so I stopped and put them on my messy table. They brighten the place right up. I then had a lunch of Market baguette and Uncle Mike tomatoes, wow it was good. We had plans to spend the rest of the day with my sister in laws Wendy and Tameron, plus all their adorable kids. It was so much fun and my sweating was minimal! We talked and played and ate. These ladies are amazing cooks I am serious, we ate the most delicious Chile Verde and quesadillas. It was a day of great food and the Verde topped it! Wendy is a massage therapist and she rubbed my dead arm, she is the best.

Basically this day was good, I give it a 8.5 because unfortunately my mood did not last when we got home, a girl can only be good for so long. So sorry Bryon and Taylor (Bryon's nephew who is staying the night) for all my outburst and crankiness tonight. I will leave you all tonight with picture of my flowers please enjoy.

Go Ask Alice

2009-09-11T14:08:00.003-06:00

The time has come, my little friends, to talk of other things / Of shoes and ships and sealing wax, of cabbages and kings / And why the sea is boiling hot, and whether pigs have wigs / Calloo, Callay, come run away / With the cabbages and kings.

Alice in Wonderland, what a movie. I just love it. I have seen it many times, quite a few times with my good friend Aubrie. When I think of Alice I think of Aubrie, I also think of a Caterpillar smoking a hookah pipe (I assume) and saying crazy, wonderful things like
Caterpillar: Who... are... you?
Alice: Why, I hardly know, sir. I've changed so much since this morning, you see...
Caterpillar: No, I do not C, explain yourself.
Alice: I'm afraid I can't explain myself, you see, because I'm not myself, you know.
Caterpillar: I do not know.
Alice: I can't put it any more clearly, sir, because it isn't clear to me.

Those words describe me Exaketededly (as the Caterpillar would say) How I have been feeling lately, I have changed so much and I hardly know myself. I do weird things, I say even stranger and I have stopped doing things I love and started things doing things I never thought to do before the tumor removal. That tumor had a brain, or controlled mine quite a bit I think, and now that its out I am a new person, I have to learn to be this new person. That scares me. Add to it the new pain med and my life is Alice in Wonderland. This pain med is Soma, it eases the pain but mostly I think it just numbs my brain and makes me forget, it puts me in an Alice in Wonderland state of mind. Which is good and bad. I am loopy and as Steff said go into a Soma Coma but I forget the pain, along with other stuff I am sure. I don't like to rely on drugs even though now I am taking at least 8 for my symptoms.

I have an MRI on Monday which I am dreading of course what with the fear of them locking me in there and not letting me out ever, but don't worry I will be drugged and hopefully they will let someone in to hold my leg which comforts me greatly. I also have an appointment with the great Dr. Macfarlane on Tuesday to review the MRI and chat about my problems, did I mention I have a horrible rash all over my neck, chest, arms and back? It's not a pretty sight. So everyone go watch Alice in Wonderland no drugs needed it will take you on a lovely trip of eating mushrooms, little girls mistaken for serpents and of course painting the roses red.
Peace, Holly

maybe later

2009-09-11T00:22:00.005-06:00

Sorry I got the Blues, the Vaughn D' s, the down in the dumps, think I will just go to bed, now I am sure all my readers, you know all11 of you will understand. It will be a joyous post tomorrow, me and Vicky Lynn are making salsa, maybe a little spice will cheer me up, talk back soon.

No one likes a Whiner

2009-09-10T20:03:00.001-06:00

So I have noticed that I don't get any comments from any of my downer posts, and folks I live on comments and emails and snail mail. So tonight prepare for something a bit more joyful or maybe slightly less angry. Maybe it will be about my new prescription for soma.

Being Broke

2009-09-10T00:03:00.003-06:00

Does anyone want to know what the best part of not working and not getting disability or anything from my job and having 1 income that has to cover the bills of 2 people plus paying thousands and thousands in hospital bills?

You get to eat everything in the freezer that has been there for months, for dinner I had a box of veggies including Lima beans, carrots, black beans and some green beans I think, and also a corn dog that I know was purchased at the beginning of the summer. My freezer should be empty soon and I think we have beef tortellini to look forward too! Can't you just see all my blessings!!!!!!???!?!??!??! Wait where are they? Can you sense my bitterness tonight? Someone will say it will get better soon don't worry! But my friends I see no light at the end of this tunnel. Except Vanessa made me feather headbands, that's so cool.

It's dumb to complain about food I have veggies from Uncle Mike to make salsa, I have some sort of meat pie, but what am I supposed to do about everything else? Sorry for the vent! I am stressed to the max tonight. My dad's dog Poochie is getting fixed in the am and I am worried for her. Gonna try to sleep, think positive and dream.

I hate this....Please Donate.

Holly

A Good Book

2009-09-09T21:26:00.004-06:00

A good book for me is never hard to find. I could spend hours at Ken Sanders or Barnes and Noble looking at books, touching books, and reading a few lines. I don't often buy anything because I am poor but just being around the words makes me happy. I have a few books that I have read at least a dozen times, Bryon things it is so strange that I can pick up Slaughter House Five for the 13th time and still enjoy it, same goes for Harry Potter I am not ashamed to admit those are good books. At Ken Sanders I love to look at the children's section and the occult section, is that weird? The books there have a story, last Christmas I bought my mom some Beatrice Potter books and they had jam on them, well I hope it was jam. Bryon has just about every Kurt Vonnegut book, all given to him from me, I am not the best gift giver so basically every holiday, birthday just for fun gift I have given him it's a Vonnegut book. He is our favorite author so we should own all his works right? His books have the best quotes, when I read his books I keep a notebook next to me and write my favorite lines. I will share a couple of my favorites

*"Pretend to be good always,and even God will be fooled."- God Bless You, Mr. Rosewater

*"Goodbye Blue Monday." -Breakfast of Champion

*"If I should ever die, God forbid, let this be my epitaph: THE ONLY PROOF HE NEEDED FOR THE EXISTENCE OF GOD WAS MUSIC"-Vonnegut's Blues for America

*Everything was beautiful, and nothing hurt.-Slaughterhouse-Five

OK that will do.

The point of this book post is that I have not picked up a book in over a month, I have listened to one on my iPod but the desire to pick up a book, one of my favorite things to do is gone. I have the time, I have the books but I have lost my book need. I hope it comes back. I think maybe it has something to do with my hand/arm, it's not strong, it's a limp, asleep appendage, I have been crocheting to build strength I type slower than a child, my handwriting takes serious concentration. Tomorrow I will pick up a book and see what happens. I need to fall in love with a good book, a new one or maybe an old friend like The Hours. If anyone has a book recommendation please send them along.
Love your sweaty friend,
Holly

Just call me Moon Face

2009-09-07T20:00:00.008-06:00

Oh just another day in Paradise with me, Holly Vaughn. I had a great day and by great I mean really really awful night of no sleep, I take back my comment regarding having made peace with not sleeping because there are so many fun ways to fill the night, I was wrong, I just want to sleep. I don't want to watch The Way We Were, I don't want to listen to my iPod, I don't want to cut paper to make cards, I don't want to make to do list. I want to put my head on the pillow, I want to close my eyes, I want to wake up 8+ hours later. Not the 3 I have been getting from 6 to 9 am.

So I wake up at 9 today and had a good visit with my mom and brother Philip. This part of the day really was good. We chatted and ate bananas and my mom cleaned my dishes and Philip and Bryon played Guitar Hero. It was so nice to see Philip, he has always seemed like my older brother he is so smart, artistic and hilarious. My mom lives the love language of service, she is so loving in every way but she cleans my house and I feel very very special. Around 11:30 I started getting the disease, we will call it the green disease because it is when I start feeling like the hulk is going to take over my body, ya know Chris Benoit style. It is around this time that I make a comment about my face was feeling strange/hurting. Vicky takes a look, feels it, then Bryon takes a turn. It's tight and looks puffy, it's so tight it's like stretched looking on my cheek bones plus puffy, am I describing this well at all? Now it's time to google and wiki and get to the bottom of this condition, and this is what they find
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Moon_face
http://www.medicinenet.com/cushings_syndrome/article.htm

OK so wonderful I am now more of a freak and this freak needs her bed and a dose of Xanax. My mom helped with that, and I vented oh heavens did I vent, I basically told her the same crap I write on here everyday but I did it straight very little pauses, why is my life so hard, why doesn't anyone like me, my mom is a great listener but I was in too deep in my D's (that's what we call depression in the Vaughn family, the D's then we usually follow it up with a This To Shall Pass and call it good.) I was sad and it couldn't be helped so I just went with it for a few hours till it was a little better. This post is pretty long, Miles will say.

Then the worst part of the whole day for a cry baby that is......Bryon went out to do some errands and forgot to get my frosty, my cool down feel better improve my day improve my life chocolate chip cookie dough frosty from Wendy's I almost died I kid you not. Of course he went back out like the hero that he is but man I need help. We watched Curb your Enthusiasm and I ate my frosty. It was a bad day for me but reading this post it really doesn't sound that bad, but it was it really was plus my arm won't stop tingling, I wonder if it's a good tingle or a bad one. I will for sure be calling my Dr. like I do almost every morning and bothering them with this! Now someone sing this song to me and all will be well, Audrey Hepburn will do....

Moon River, wider than a mile:
I'm crossin' you in style someday.
Old dream maker, you heartbreaker,
Wherever you're goin', I'm goin'your way.
Two drifters, off to see the world.
There's such a lot of world to see.
We're after the same rainbow's end,
Waitin' round the bend,
My huckleberry friend,
Moon River and me. Thank You Uncle Mike for the salsa veggies can't wait to make it with Momma this week!

Gross?

2009-09-06T00:48:00.000-06:00

Ok so I picked a little, it's hard to not to do it all day... I have a problem people. I will stop, I promise. Shouldn't more hair be filling in?

Two Quotes for a Saturday

2009-09-05T20:19:00.001-06:00

"Every man has a right to a Saturday night bath." Lyndon B. Johnson

I totally agree with Lyndon on this one...but I have no bathtub. I am thinking of the perfect one, the one I had in Mexico about 4 years ago on a wonderful family trip. We were all together the dad, the mom all the boys and the big sister. Cancun Mexico. We stayed at a Villa, we listened to Devandra Banhart, we walked to the ocean, we ate beans and rice for every meal, I read Slaughterhouse-Five by Kurt Vonnegut for the very first time, be lounged by the little pool in the back yard and I had the bath. The tub was huge, I mean like 6 feet long 4 feet wide, it was tiled in blue and I think there was two faucets. I filled it all the way up, added some sort of minty bubble goodness and soaked for like an hour. I will always remember that trip as a family best and tub right up there.

"Life is a wretched gray Saturday, but it has to be lived through." Anthony Burgess

Life must have been hard for Anthony, well Saturday's at least. My life lately has been quite a few Saturday's and I am so ready for a Monday. But I must say some good stuff has happened lately too, for example I am so filled with crazy emotions that some are bound to be good. Like love, I have so much love for this world it's wild, I want to give everyone a hug, I want to solve every ones problems (which got me in some serious trouble last week, sorry Miles) I want everyone to know I love them, no really like adore them more than anyone has ever been adored in the history of the world. Whatever drug is giving me this side effect needs to be found and bottled. So now I am gonna tell everyone I love them. I love you Anthony and Lyndon, I love you family member, I love you friend, I love you Bryon. I love you Charlie from Lost. I love you Internets.

Goodnight Saturday and Hello Sunday!

Sleep, No Thanks!

2009-09-05T02:36:00.000-06:00

I have made peace with not sleeping. Mostly because there is so much one can do when one cannot find the Sandman. I just had some choc. milk and watched a little Gilmore Girls. I just read some blogs and had a few ritz crackers. I just made a slightly not ugly magnet. I just looked at puppies for sale at ksl.com! The snacking probably needs to stop but the rest oh I can't wait for more ways to fill my nights! Craft Time lots more cards to make! Oh and someone please buy me a puppy, preferably a night owl, like me.

I try to be crafty, these are the sad results

2009-09-04T14:43:00.000-06:00

Picture this.... a late night 3:11 am to be exact, a pair of blue scissors, purple glue stick, a shaky restless totally neurotic woman...and she wants to make cards....millions of cards. The result, one very messy looking card and very shaky pictures to boot. I worked for almost 2 hours on one card...that's sad right, go ahead cry for me a little. Plus you have to look at the pictures it's my blog do what I say! And I have no idea how to artfully put pictures on here and by artfully I mean that it doesn't look like I have a monkey named Gigi that is my assistant and takes care of all my blogging needs.

What are all these random blank spots?! Gigi!?!

“A Day in the Life”

2009-09-03T22:38:00.000-06:00

I love music, well come on who doesn't. I hear a song and I remember something. Eddie Money reminds me of drives in my dad's red truck Two Tickets To Paradise baby. I hear Sandman by America and it reminds me of my cousin Luke and how he puppeted Kermit the Frog to sing the lyrics for a project we did for Science class in high school. I hear Daniel Johnston Fish and think of Bryon, I hear First Day of my life by Bright Eyes and think of Bryon. I hear Two Princes and think of my mom, I hear This Life is a Test and think of all my cousins and aunties and my Uncle Larry for thinking it's a Pest instead. Lately my friends it has been a serious PEST! I make iTunes playlist all the time depending on my mood or need. I have sleeping, cleaning, relaxing and very guity pleasure ridden playlists and tonight I am going to share my current favorite that I created, you should check out some of the tunes I think my taste in music is really really good ha ha.

Oxford Comma--Vampire Weekend

I Got The Reason #2--Conor Oberst & The Mystic Valley Band

King Of Carrot Flowers Part 2 & 3--Neutral Milk Hotel

I Don't Want To Grow Up--Tom Waits

Paths Of Victory--Cat Power

Einstein on the Beach--Counting Crows

Age Of Consent--New Order

One More Hour--Sleater-Kinney

Old Man--Neil Young

I Don't Want To Know--Fleetwood Mac

The Fear--Lily Allen

LDN--Lily Allen

Cape Cod Kwassa Kwassa--Vampire Weekend

Fish--Daniel Johnston

This Beard Is For Siobhán--Devendra Banhart

We Will Become Silhouettes--The Shins

Walcott-- Vampire Weekend

Enjoy my friends and look forward to tomorrow where I will posting some 3 am craft project pictures and also hopefully some improved ones I have in my brain for tonight's crazy craft lady party.

Stop Complaining and Just Cry

2009-09-02T21:30:00.001-06:00

What a day. I woke up Miles at 9 am and made him take me to Robert's Craft.( I love Miles, he would do anything for me) I had been up for hours thinking of scrapbook paper and making magnets. Robert's Craft never fails with scrapbook paper, but no marble things I needed to make the magnets I had been thinking about all dang night. So I bought regular magnets. I was going to have dinner with my old and dear friend Adele and wanted to give her some magnets too. The ones I made were ugly and clunky and not crafty. Complaint.

I came home, I was a sweaty mess of course. Complaint. I ate my last banana yesterday. Complaint. I think everyone hates me. Complaint.

I put myself back to bed and listened to The Time Travelers Wife. I had a nice lunch. Things are looking up! I call Disability, the person on the phone is a jerk, I get nothing done and have to call back tomorrow. Complaint. Back to bed, I made about 10 To Do list on my phone during the night and I am doing nothing today. I am not pleased....Complaint. Time to get ready for dinner, a shower is always a good idea right? WRONG, it takes me 2 hours to slightly cool down and then when I get to our dinner date I have to go to the bathroom 3 times just to wash my face. The food and company were amazing so no complaint.

I decided yesterday that I need some time back in Murray with Bryon so we head to my mom's to pack my million needed things. I am sure I will be back to West Point in a few days. People need breaks from me. We head to Murray and I put my seat back and Bryon gives me a pillow and cranks the air and it is a lovely drive, but I can feel something coming.......it's the crazy, moody no fun at all Holly coming to town. We get home and Bryon puts me on the couch and goes to the store for water. I decide its a good time to read my medical records from my stay at IMC, and watch Howard's End, bad idea. Bryon returns home to a crying, sad girl who is a serious complainer. He lets me cry about all the crap from today and the crap from yesterday and the crap that will happen tomorrow and rubs my arm and gives me my evening drugs. I really don't deserve him most days. The moral of the story is I should have been crying all day not complaining.

Sweaty Beast, Jane Austen and Pain!

2009-09-01T20:55:00.002-06:00

I have always been a sweater, I am always the person in the room who is warm/hot. I love a nice breeze and always keep a fan on my desk at every job I have had. The sweatiness I have experienced since all the medication I started taking has been ridiculous! I wake up drenched in sweat, I spend the day covered in sweat, I wipe myself down with baby wipes about 100 times a day. I can find no relief. I have a fan on me now and I need a large napkin to get rid of some of this sweat. I don't like it, I don't feel clean. I did my hair today dried it and everything, in 20 min. it was completely wet again and went into a very uncute, smelly ponytail on top of my head. OK enough sweat stories.

I love Jane Austen, all things Jane Austen. My neighbor let me borrow the BBC version of Pride and Prejudice. It is heavenly! Elizabeth and all her sisters make me laugh and her mother is a hoot and Mr. Darcy, what a hunk. Mr. Collins and Charlotte! I plan on watching it at least 4 times. I am only on Disc 2 but I have plans for at least 4 more viewings, just in case the ending changes, which I always think is going to happen in movies I watch.
Day to Day pain is still constant and I don't think I remember what "normal" feels like. The sensation I feel on the right side is so strange, I can't even explain it, it's just dead and it really, really hurts. Pain medications are very weird, I get basically no relief and sometimes very rarely they just make me feel a little dizzy. I made a request for the medical field to get back to working on MRI machines, now I call them out again to work on pain medication. Take my pain away!!!
Thanks for stopping by!

Malt o Meal

2009-08-31T17:46:00.000-06:00

I want to shout this message from a mountain top or else a very high building, but I am stuck in the house and this computer will have to do it's best to tell this glorious news. Malt o Meal is the greatest company in the world, I mean it, the entire world. My awesome uncle Dave works for them and was able to get me a donation. I am bursting with gratefulness, and thanks. Please everyone go fill your cupboards with Malt o Meal products.

My current favorites on Etsy.

2009-08-30T18:45:00.000-06:00

This clutch is exactly what my messy purse/life needs. http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?ref=vl_other_2&listing_id=30132153
How freaking cute is this headband! I know I couldn't pull it off but I love it! http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=29867359
I love cards, especially ones with a botanical illustration. I like to keep spare ones around just in case I need to write a quick or slow thank you or happy birthday or I miss you or get well soon card! http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=18801097
Anyone who knows me knows I love all things British! So again I need this! Put on your wellies and eat that biscuit before I put you in the pram! http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=24244433
Moleskins! How amazing are they? I have a four and they all need little covers to make them feel special. One has strawberry jam on it and that is just not ok. http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=20080529
Organizing is not something I am great at, but with this book I am sure I would not fail.
http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=29734973
This ring is fetching and very precious, Isn't it? and What a special family keepsake it would be! http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=29176817
Who doesn't need these pleasant and agreeable little calenders? http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=29877693
And last but not least a whole crapload of paper and other odds and ends. This is a magical mix of goodies that will surely give you the inspiration to create dazzling art to delight your senses. http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=29347047

Oh Etsy!

2009-08-30T18:42:00.000-06:00

Happy Sunday All,
Today has found me trying to find that unfindable nap. I had a rough night and got up at 5:30 am with some serious pain in the ankle and knee area. I had to do some icing immediately. The Dr says that they are so swollen because during my surgery a blood transfusion was needed, and now it could take from 4 to 6 weeks for the swelling to stop! Oh Joy! Anyway one more item to add to my " I'm a baby and my life is so hard" list. I will just wait for the nap to become bed and cross my fingers I get a good solid 10 or probably more correct 4.
I would like to write about something nicer, something that has given me some serious cheer and comfort. The world of Etsy! I could browse it for hours. They have everything a person could ever want or need. Homemade items, found items, vintage items and all the supplies you need. I have caught to craft bug big time since the surgery and reading craft blogs as well as looking at Etsy has been so much fun. I will now show you some pictures of the things I currently want to have or want to try and make myself. Please Enjoy!

My demands

2009-08-29T12:12:00.001-06:00

Today I have some demands. I need happiness from everyone around me. I need big, huge annoying smiles. I need everyones life to be perfect if they tell me about it. I need someone to tell me a fairy tale where I am a character and live in a castle. I need to see Salma Hayek in person wearing this shirt, or for someone to give me this shirt or someone just to say What the frak or talk about Battlestar Galactica. I need to hold at least 5+ puppies. I need to eat a pink cupcake with a frozen Mt. Dew. I would love to see a cute baby and give it a squeeze. I need a good sleep with dreams of all the aforementioned items. Thank You.

Mail Bag

2009-08-28T13:54:00.000-06:00

I got mail today! Oh the wonderful,delightful, jubilance of getting snail mail. The cards from my sweet cousin Meg, dear work friend Diana and my sweet Grandma Colby will keep me smiling today for sure and their contents forever. I did receive one very odd package which was fun to open of course but I have no idea why I received it. I will donate it to anyone who needs it, because DONATING IS THE GREATEST THING IN THE WORLD! (hint?)

View from my Home

2009-08-28T09:05:00.001-06:00

My Pharmacy Tech license pays off, I know what all these drugs do to me!

The bathroom

The bedroom

The wall by the couch

My wonderful amazing fan. This thing is pointed on me at all times.

The tv and bookcase.

My computer terminal.

My couch. My bear reading a little Vonnegut to me.

Fridge.

Meal Preperation Area

Where I keep dirty dishes.

The TABLE. This is where I make all my list, drug schedules take my drugs and look and think about bills.

A closer look at bills and tons of paperwork.

My drugs with excel made schedule so I don't overdose on steroids.

My breakfast

2009-08-27T09:39:00.000-06:00

Granola, banana, blueberries and milk. YUM! This morning has been the ultimate in starting bad and getting worse so we will say the breakfast was the highlight! I have to say I am now a huge fan of granola. It can only go up from this!

Have you seen this group??

2009-08-26T09:42:00.001-06:00

Oh the Drugs I take, I have lists of them, when to take them, what they do and what they look like. I now need to find out which one is making me see Yo Gabba Gabba characters come to my house and try to keep me from going to the bathroom in the wee hours of the night. I was convinced that not only the YGG gang wanted me to pee myself but Bryon as well, I went off on him and his plans and how they were not gonna work, I would pee in the toilet! I am gonna tell you the truth I have let my mind trick me into not making it to the bathroom a few times in the past weeks, for example at my mom's I thought she had hired someone to take me to the bathroom, needless to say I was the one that was supposed to take care of that as well as the clean up. Very Embarrassing Stuff! But this YGG crap tops it on the crazy scale, I feel so insane, I have never even seen much of the show! Anyways time for more drugs and a little google time to get to the bottom of this, any help or suggestions are most loved! I am needy now also!

My head wound

2009-08-25T17:55:00.000-06:00

I had a great Dr. visit today, I can honestly say he is the greatest Dr. in the entire world, both Bryon and I are completely and totally in love. He is so comforting, he answered all my questions and just made me feel so much better about all the many problems I have been having. The steroids are making me crazy and he knew basically everything I was experiencing I didn't even have to tell him he just knew. My new nickname is Chris Benoit. I will be on the steroids another month but will get through it, right??? He also took my sutures out, they are not a pretty sight and I gotta not pick them which is kinda hard for me! Thanks for stopping by!

2009-08-25T02:56:00.000-06:00

I think blogging might make me lonesome. You people would not believe my mood swings, I have never been pregnant but I have heard the swings from that can be rough. Anyone have some advice before I feel to much love, hate, anger and want to cry for hours and hours?

Thanks a bunch!

Listen and Love

2009-08-24T15:26:00.000-06:00

Right!??!?!?!!?

2009-08-24T15:19:00.000-06:00

Please Donate your thoughts, prayers and spare quarters. The bills have begun rolling in and my time away from work has just been pushed back again do to my brain swelling, All I seem to qualify for are food stamps Utah States disability program is a joke.

Today

2009-08-23T22:12:00.001-06:00

Today I had peanut butter toast for breakfast
Today I got dressed in "real" clothes and even a bra
Today I went to Sam's Club
Today I had dinner with family in South Weber
Today I hung out and cleaned with my dad and aunt judy and I didn't sit down
Tonight I got out of my chair and fell like an old woman on the wet grass
I guess tomorrow will be a day I stay in bed.

The Morning After

2009-08-22T09:06:00.000-06:00

So I just erased all my crazy attempts at post from last night on my phone, they were a disaster and I hope no one read them.

I was taken back to the IMC ER at about 5 pm yesterday. I talked to my Dr. about my symptoms and he was worried about brain swelling and wanted to get another MRI. It was chaos everyone running around Sawyer was leaving for Phoenix in a few minutes, Miles was going to the Syracuse Game but luckily my mom was on her way home from work so within 5 minutes I was headed to Murray from West Point. I immediately had to start preparing myself for the MRI, I hate them and in the last couple weeks I have tried to pull myself out of them. So Vicky turned on the AC and a classical station and we were on our merry way. Bryon was already there waiting bless his heart. We got to the ER a little after 6 and they were able to get me ready and waiting in a room pretty quick. When I got surgery last week the nurses kept telling me what a hard stick I was 2 different nurses tortured me with huge IVs and I was not looking forward for another, also every time a drug was pushed into these nurses IV lines it was unbearable pain, so I was nervous waiting for more hard sticks, the ER nurse came in I warned her I was a hard stick and I would try not to cry and this amazing woman said she had a lot of practice so no worries, she poked me once and it was painful but really not that bad...I could not believe it I wanted to kiss her! I was not a hard stick for this girl but 2 grown women. Then a new nurse came in with the Valium oh I love Valium and it didn't hurt when she put it in as well as some steroids. We waited about 30 more minutes then the MRI tech came and got me in a wheelchair, I told her I would need someone to hold down my legs during the procedure so Bryon came along for that fun job. She strapped me in and told me to think happy thoughts. I thought about swimming in cold Bear Lake with Bryon, Tameron, Wendy and their kids as well baby names I love, very random but they both helped. Since my right side was so numb I could hardly feel Bryon holding my legs, which I gave him crap for after. It lasted about 35 minutes, and man someone needs to get back to improving MRI machines, why are they so loud????

We went back to my room and this was a long wait it took till about 9 for the ER Dr. to stop by and tell us there was swelling and they were waiting for the surgeon on call to get back to them. At ten they said that I could be discharged but they were increasing my steroids big time as well as my pain meds. I was so happy, I got to go to Murray and sleep in my bed and watch all the crap TV I was missing! My mom headed home and Bry and I went to Del Taco for the best cheese quesadilla of my life. We started the latest episode of Top Chef Las Vegas, it was pretty good but no favorites yet. This is where the restlessness hit me, I guess the Valium had worn off, I could not sit still, I wanted to pick my staples in my head, my face, my arm, the pain meds still not helping at all and honestly I don't think they ever did that night. I just took a benadryl, ambien and xanax and finally at 3 I fell asleep, until 6 when I took more percocet but couldn't sleep so I decided to add pictures to my phone book for all my incoming calls. I should be in bed now, Bry is out getting my new prescriptions, water and bananas, back to the diet!

Hopefully my path to healing will have no more road blocks, I am getting my staples out on Tuesday and I can't wait to wash my hair, maybe even a new color!(please give suggestions!) I think I am gonna try to go to the college of massage therapy today, in my ramblings from last night I deleted, I wrote I wanted a free spa day but the college is pretty cheap and usually they have great massages, unless someone wants to send me to the spa, that would just fine too! Talk to you soon and thanks for stopping by!

Greetings from my Dead Arm

2009-08-21T12:50:00.000-06:00

Hello Everyone!
I am out of the hospital and staying in West Point UT with my mom and 2 brothers and my great dad just down the road, my best man Bryon is way to far away in Murray but don't worry he visits me every night.
First off I want to tell you all I am a bad writer, I don't spell well, I don't know grammar and I don't know when to make new paragraphs, You have been warned.

It's hard to believe that just last week at this time I was asleep and someone was trying to pull a tumor out of my brain, the surgeon told me it was very hard to remove and I lost alot of blood but it did come out. They ran it to the lab and I am very pleased to say it was a good brain tumor as far as brain tumors go, no cancer or anything like that. I went straight to recovery because there were no beds available in the ICU where I was supposed to be going. The nurse I had in recovery was not my favorite she seemed so put out by me and my request for drinks, I can honestly say I have never in my life been so dang thirsty! I asked her if she enjoyed her job because she didn't act like it. After about an hour they got me up to the ICU and I drank and drank and drank. I was so happy to see my family. I had a rough time in the ICU as Bryon wrote about, I guess I am a little demanding. More on the rest of my hospital stay later.

On to Briar Rose or what my mom and me have named my dead arm. After my surgery I lost all feeling on my right side shoulder to hip and sometimes my leg goes numb just to join the party. The frustration and pain I feel is so terrible. I can move it a little but i pay for it later with such aching. The occupational therapist gave me some activities to do like picking up objects (paper clips, pennies, dice) So I pick them all up and leave them in my palm and then try to place them on a table using my thumb and index finger without dropping, I haven't gotten very good at this task yet. I have also been practicing my writing it's pretty sloppy but surprising that I can do it when I can't feel my hand. I am hoping for the deadness to go away but all I can do is wait, I just wish that Percocet helped but since it is more of a nerve thing it does nothing. Well it's time for lunch and drug break. Talk to you later and thanks for stopping by!

New Pictures

2009-08-20T13:23:00.000-06:00

Thank You!

2009-08-20T12:35:00.000-06:00

Thank you for every one's prayers and well wishes on my surgery! I have to thank a few very special people who have donated to help with the costs.

My Grandma and Grandpa Colby have always been so giving and she has also been sending me a card every day! Thank you for helping me at this time and always. I love you!

My Uncle Dave works for Malt O Meal. He and Aunt Dora requested help through their charity foundation (M.O.M. Cares) and they have been gracious enough to send a generous donation. Thank you Dave and Dora for being so very kind. I love you!

I also want to thank those of you who have pushed that donation button - you know who you are and every penny is helping me get the medicine I need to take and the medical attention that I'll require.

THANK YOU EVERYONE!

(If you know of any companies that have charities (like Malt O Meal), please let us know.)

Update coming shortly of post-op life (sleeping dead arm- Briar Rose), pictures, and thoughts.

ICU (but I don't miss you)

2009-08-16T21:54:00.000-06:00

I have now been moved to a regular in-patient room on the seventh floor, room #702. The drugs have already kicked in so this may be short, or may end up being a drug-induced novel. It was a busy day beginning with an egg and cinnamon scone combo meal - not so good. But the oatmeal was delicious, followed by the custom made chocolate milk brought to me by my sweetheart.

It was a busy day with many visitors. And it seemed as though each time a new group showed up they had just replenished my drug intake, making visiting hours quite interesting. It was great to see everyone even though my eyes were rolling to the back of my head in between sentences, kinda how they are right now.

I had a long session of physical therapy with Bob, whom my dad believes to be a misguided janitor. We even took a long walk and stood at a beautiful viewing window that overlooked the Salt Lake Valley. This is the place. Ha ha. I did experience some pain but I do think it was a good thing to do and felt good to be out of bed for a while.

I got a few back rubs today from mothers, and brothers and lovers. I am so sore. I also received my second Vicky Vaughn sponge bath, which was quite heavenly. It's great to have the support of my family and be in a facility that can take care of my many, many needs. And I love Sonic creamslushes.

L'Chaim by Bryon

2009-08-16T00:29:00.001-06:00

After a nerve-wracking day on Friday and a five hour had-to-be-there-to-believe-it fit of restlessness once she made it to the ICU, today was a very good day.

Vicky gave her a morning of luxury which included a sponge bath and hair styling. I'm sure there was more to it than that - countless applications of chap stick, several arm & pillow adjustments, gown changes, and oxygen tube realignments. All of which I know Vicky was happy to accommodate. She also made Holly a breakfast sandwich from whatever crazy meal was served.

Holly has had much weakness in her right arm and leg. This is from the swelling in her brain which is expected and normal after such traumatizing surgery. Today she was able to lift her arm and leg and do a little stretching and testing with an occupational therapist. She was also able to finally get some good sleep.

We're hopeful that she'll be out of the ICU sometime on Sunday. Today seemed like a giant leap in progress. Her pain was less severe and she seemed to be feeling much better overall than yesterday.

We are both so grateful for all of the love and support she has received from her family and loved ones. She knows she's loved and she is a lucky girl to be able to rely on so many people in such a difficult time. And she does not take that for granted. I've never known anyone who had so much genuine love for her family. With all the garbage and all the pain and all the thoughtlessness that seems to encompass the world, it's a breath of fresh air for me to witness such a loving family. And to be part of it.

When the surgeon met with us shortly after surgery and said they were able to remove the entire tumor and Holly was doing well it was the happiest moment in my life. I've tried to think of happier and I can't. I cannot remember ever in my life crying out of happiness. But I cried. Which has been happening lately more than I feel comfortable to tell anyone. So to help make myself feel like a man again I tore apart the shower plumbing at home and put it all nicely back together. Maybe it's cheating a little because I've had to do it a time or two before, but I'll take what I can get.

Surgery Time

2009-08-13T16:04:00.000-06:00

Ok just got off the phone with the hospital. I will be checking into the hospital at 5:30 am on Friday 8/14 at IMC in Murray. First Surgery of the day.

My Visited Website

2009-08-12T14:54:00.000-06:00

These are the Websites I have visited today. Enjoy!

This is my surgeons website check out the Treatment Options then Craniotomy section for my surgery info http://www.esurgeon.com/macfarlane/

My favorite blog. http://blog.cjanerun.com/

Funny Provo Mischief http://universe.byu.edu/node/1338

Looked for something cute to put on my head http://www.etsy.com/

Guilty Dis-Pleasure. http://perezhilton.com

This week in pictures. http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/3842331/

Sick

2009-08-12T14:06:00.000-06:00

Steroids make me sick. I have a dry disgusting mouth and I want to puke. My pee is also cloudy. They better be shrinking a tumor too. I am so lazy today and just want to sleep until Friday morning when my surgery starts. There is nothing on tv or interesting to look at online. Blah and I am cranky.

Surgery Schedule

2009-08-10T11:34:00.000-06:00

My surgery is now scheduled for friday. I am not pleased. I have already taken short term disability at work so will have nothing to do this week but worry. Super!

Stress

2009-08-09T19:17:00.000-06:00

Today I feel stressed. I am usually the kind of person that if there is something I cannot change myself like world hunger, the sad state of health insurance or for me the fact that my Surgeon has not called me back to schedule my surgery, I can easily put it out of my head. I guess when it directly affects me I can't do it. I want to know when this surgery is happening, I need to plan, I need to be mentally and emotionally prepared. I can't really calm my self down till this busy busy man calls me back. I am a little mad at him, but since he kinda looks like a young Steven Spielberg I guess I will forgive him. So his office opens at 8:30am tomorrow they better have news for me or I will pull out my hair that is meant to be shaved!

2009-08-08T23:18:00.000-06:00

The beginning of the story

2009-08-08T23:00:00.001-06:00

This is my story so far, how it started, what I did.
I have been having numbness on the entire right side of body starting in March 2009, I saw my Primary Care Physician at the Tanner Clinic, and he said it was stress related and gave me a prescription for Xanax(who says no to a script for Xanax), the numbness stopped but it started again last week and I wasn't able to work so I made another Dr. appointment for Wednesday the 8/5 I went numb on my way there on the freeway, very scary so I just decided to go to LDS er. I had 2 CT scans and 2 attempted ... MRI's I was so claustrophobic I couldn't get in. The er Dr. said they found something and really needed an MRI so they heavily drugged me and I tried again, 3 hours later and they said it was most likely a tumor. I then went by ambulance to IMC and was admitted late last night. On Thursday 8/6 I did a million and 1 tests including having a catheter put in my groin and having it pushed up to my brain to try and stop blood from feeding the tumor is was so so painful. It went pretty well and my surgery to remove the tumor will be on Monday or Wednesday about a 5 hour surgery and then at least a 5 day stay. I am really scared and as shallow as it seems I don't want my head shaved! My surgeon is very optimistic and thinks all will go well and my motor skills should be back to normal in a couple months, I have however lost a lot of strength on my right side but again my surgeon thinks that will improve with time.

2009-08-08T22:54:00.001-06:00

Donate

2009-08-08T22:50:00.000-06:00

As some of you might know I have a brain tumor. I do not have insurance and I am not getting paid for my time off to be in the hospital. I am asking for any donations, if you can't give a donation send out a message to the universe in any manner you wish that I will be ok! Thank you...

My Brain

2009-08-08T22:49:00.001-06:00